I experienced something truly amazing today.  I went to Riverview Middle School and helped with the Special Olympics Basketball Invitational.  I didn't really do a lot, but what I saw brought tears to my eyes.  There were so many participants and so many volunteers.  All of the volunteers wanted to be there, they weren't forced to do anything, they just wanted to spend some time with these precious people.  There were participants any where from elementary age to over 50.  It was incredible to see their heart for what they were doing and the joy they got from doing it.  And giving them the medals is something I am glad I got to experience.

I wasn't having a good weekend up until today.  I am so thankful that I was able to participate and help with this event.  It was such a blessing.  It really turned my attitude around and put things in perspective for me.  I want to be more like them.  Simple and joyful.

I want to go home.  This has been one of the few times that I have actually wanted to go home.  I don't know why...do I just not want to be here?  Do I not want to face reality and the things that are hard?  Is it the thought that I will be moving our for real soon make me want to go home?  I don't know what it is exactly.  I just want to be in Eaton Rapids.

I just want to cry.

I saw P.S. I Love You tonight.  Thoroughly depressing, but good movie.  It made me cry.  I can actually cry again.

I need to cry.  That is my outlet, and when I can't cry, I eventually break, real hard and real fast.

I don't have it all together.  That is ok.  I don't think I am supposed to have it all together all the time.  If I did, why would I need a God?  But I don't, so I do need Him.  And He is always with me.  I am doing what He wants me to do too.

I get to see my Make-A-Wish, and that makes my heart so incredibly happy.  I need to see her.  I need to be around camp.  I need to be me.  I kind of feel who I am has gotten lost in the past couple of weeks.  I need to find that changed girl that knew more of who she was, in Christ.  Where did she go?  I need her back.  I need me.  No, I need HIM.

Why am I so afraid? 

My dad tried to start a new tradition in my house this Christmas season.  "Hillbilly Hannukak" is what he called it.  He wanted to give one of us gift every night for the ten days before Christmas.  It didn't really fly with my mom.  My dad has also instituted Thanksgiving day presents and unbirthday gifts.

I kind of forgot that it was Christmas.  My life has not been Christmas oriented at all this season.  I made a bigger deal of things when I was getting mad about hearing Christmas music before Thanksgiving than I am now.  I let myself get busy and caught up in stuff.  It is Christmas and I need to remember that.  This is not a time for me to be at home and wasting my life away.

I checked my grades today.  They are not posted yet, but I can see my culmulative GPA.  It appears that I did fairly well in my classes.  I am glad this semester is over and that I am all done with regular undergrad classes!

I took Dr. Priddy's advice.  I've been making bulletin board characters since I have been at home.  I feel like I am doing something if I am drawing or coloring, and it relaxes me.  So, why not make bulletin board characters when I have the time and the resources.  I like it.

My family has recently become obsessed with drinking coffee. Well, me and my brother and then my dad sometimes, especially since we have a coffee maker now.

Since I've gotten older, I have learned a lot more about my family, most of it is bad.  That is one of the things that I don't like about getting older.  Things are more complicated now.

I've been cleaning my room and organizing things the past couple of times that I have been home.  I guess one could say I am getting ready to move out.  I've been thinking about it more and more as the time gets closer and closer.  I am going to be a real adult soon.  I am going to be out on my own.  I need to have things ready to go, especially since I won't have a lot of time.  I've been thinking about this coming summer too.  I don't think I am going to be able to stay for the entire summer this year.  I will be job hunting, moving out, and if I get a job in Indiana, the school year generally starts before the second half of summer is over.  We'll see how it all plays out.  I will definitely inform the proper authorities.

I'm starting to get nervous and scared about next semester.  I am going to be teaching... I am going to be more responsible for a child's learning than ever before.  I will also be doing three other jobs...do I have too much on my plate?  It is going to be a whirlwind of  semester.  Can I handle it?

"You Can't Stop the Beat"

What a week it has been.

I babysat the Wagner kids last night.  It was a lot of fun.  I had to do some discipline stuff.  But it was good.  Those kids are precious.  Melissa told me that I can't graduate...that is the second family that has told me that in a week...wow...is this a sign God?

Melissa told me today that she told Gideon was going to throw a fit so I could come over and play.  He was told that if he threw a fit he couldn't go to grandma's and I would have to come watch him.  He was all for that.  That made me smile.

I babysat Ezra today too.  I love that little boy.  He is adorable.  We had a lot of fun.  We played with the balls in my room, we read some books, we watched a bit of a movie, we played in the snow, we colored, we played with play-doh, we went monster hunting, and then he was TIRED so we watched a movie and he fought sleeping for forty minutes.  He is cute.  I put pictures up on facebook.

Then I got to see Dave!  That was fun, even though it was only a few minutes and my attention was divided between sending Ezra off with Natalie and cooking dinner.  But it was nice.

Then we had our Volunteer 9-1-1 appreciation dinner.  There were only 5 of us, but it was a nice dinner.  And now I have some good left overs.  But it was great.  I really enjoy planning and making dinners for people.

This week, I had an emotional break down.  I was so stressed and so angry that I couldn't handle it any more.  I broke down.  It was amazing how God worked things out though.  I had to find babysitters for a MOPS event for Saturday 4-9...yeah, that is hard to do.  And I was angry at how things weren't working out and disappointed in people.  The next day, God worked something great and I was able to get the volunteers that I needed!  Thank you God!

I have been so disappointed with one of my campus involvements...I'm frustrated and I don't really want to be a part of it any more. 

I am done with classes FOR-EV-UH!!!!  Isn't that exciting!  5 more finals and then I will onyl have student teaching between me and graduation.  More and more I am thinking about the future and the possibility of being in Huntington next year.

  We'll see.

Also, in recent days, I have become obsessed with "Hairspray."  I want to learn all the words to the songs, and I watched it twice today.  It is wonderful.  I love the music and how it is about a social issue and not just dumb, although it is a lot of fun too.  You should watch it.

Tabitha spent the night last night.  I am very tired, and many dollars shorter, but it was so good!  We went out to dinner.  Oh the heart of a child, "going out" = going to McDonald's and getting Big Macs .  Then we went to Wal-Mart and got some supplies to make a craft together.  We painted boxes.  We dropped them a couple of times and got paint all over the place, but we got it all cleaned up and are boxes are pretty sweet if I do say so myself.  I thought then we would play a game, or watch a movie, and then go to bed...but, I live on a floor that is candy themed with free candy, and you better believe that my fifth grader took advantage of that, and you could really tell at 12:30 in the morning that she had had a TON of sugar.  I finally made her go to bed, after we had read and kind of talked about some really sad things.  She didn't want to go to bed, but I am getting old and I am not as resilient as I was freshman year.

Then this morning I couldn't get her up.  We were going to go rake a yard for an elderly woman through Volunteer 9-1-1.  It was fun.  We got it all done and I met some new people.  I really like Volunteer 9-1-1.

I felt kind of like a mom this weekend...that is a scary thought....good thing it is not...

I have been sending emails and working for the past hour.  Lots to get done!  :-O

Now, I am listening to Jon McLaughlin.  SO good.  "I can't find Crazy Horse, I can't find Hoffa, and Amelia's missing somewhere out at sea." Right now, this song makes me feel.  Something about it...it is musically beautiful, and I love the words...I love it.

Sometimes, I feel like something is missing...I don't know what it is...I want to find it though.  Where is Crazy Horse and where is Hoffa?